MY LIFE AS I LIVE IT

2010-12-28T18:27:00.000-08:00

So it all started when i was about 15,my life started getting crazy.I stared hanging out smoking weed drinkin with my friends,you know the normal things every kid does i guess.Then one day i got offered a job 500 a week workin in this guys house that was a friend of my dads.Just doing work on his computer,sounds good right yeah thats what i thought.First day at the job he says,hey your the same size as my ex wife.I thought ok.He says i have some outfits for you to try on and if you wear them and put some lights in my pictures for me then i'll give you an extra $300 right now.Hummmm......So what was i to think?I'm a younge girl dont really know no better.I thought money.So i ended up putting the little chearleading outfit on and i start putting in lights.Get done and he pays me......wow.To easy right.After that he started asking me for sexual favors or to dance for him.Wow there is something not really right i remember thinking and i brought it up to my father who really didnt see much wrong with it and said i was of age to start helping out with the bills and being that the guy was gonna pay me $500 a dance.Ok so i started doing the dancing and remembered talking to my best friend about it as we partied some of my money away.She wanted to try it so i thought ok lets go.
I introduced them and then later found out she went alittle to far for my liken cause at that time i was a vergin and wanted nothing to do with it.After that i felt as if we was going to get in trouble and i really didn't want to risk getting in the same spot she got stuck in so i sat down and had a talk with my mother.At first she looked at me like i was crazy but then confronted my dad and he said i was working for the guy.My mom called the cops and i gave them the info it turned out the guy was a wacko in fact he had over 45 outfits for girls and they found over 20 checks made out to my father.I thought after that i had nothing to worry about anymore.
So it turns out that that little thing that happened when i was 15 screwed my whole life up.
I've been though so much in my life that i can't find my way anymore.I've had about 20 jobs 10 boyfriends and its like i have no feelings anymore.I mean the only good thing in my life right now is my two sons everyone else i can really care less anymore.My mom passed away about 10 months ago and then four months ago my son ended up in a coma and i found out he has type one diabetes.I thought wow what a hand i was delt.Now my poor son has to live with an insilin pump on 24 hours a day and he hasn't even began to injoy life.I always think was it something i did or should of done different.Something isn't right in life.Why do kids have to suffer.It makes me rethink life and what it means.Ugh.........On top of that i have a kids father that treats me like crap on a daily.I've done everything for him yet i'm always the bad guy.Ibail him out of jail while his whole family says f,him let him stay there.I'm always there when hes sick and to help him time and time again get off the drugs.I've been to more na meetings then i can remember and i don't even get high.Yet i'm always the bad guy i'm always the fat ugly chick no one will ever want me.I'm never good enough and i would never of gotten anywhere if it wasn't him.So i hear every day of my life now.I do have some nice days but very few i must say.I'm always walking on eggshells and never know when to duck cause the next punch will be coming soon cause he's using again.Well he's home and i'm not aloud on the computer right now cause he does everything and i do nothing so the up date begins tomarro.....

life in a nut shell

MY LIFE AS I LIVE IT